Saturday Night Special

Saturday Night Special. Nine to eleven. Doctors kids. Nice kids. Hard workers. One girls a cutie. Up the elevator. Twelfth floor. Open door. Plate of apples. Sweet and seedy grapes. Korean pears are the best. Persimmons are too sweet. But I’ll eat. Eat eat eat. Sit in front of the air-con and dry my pits. Read a book. Watch the beach. Should be here any minute. It’s just now nine. Probably coming from another cram school too. Four hours of sleep per night for these kids. Some day they’ll rule the world. Already taking over America. Good for them. Lazy white bastards back home wanna do nothing and have it all. Need a good war for that though. Sacrifice your only son for a cheaper barrel of oil. Sacrifice your freedom for paranoia and political correction. Speaking of politics. I must shit. Got my last package of Jesus Wipes right here. But this house has class. Soft toilet paper, pink and scented. Hey! New toilet seat. Well whaddaya know? My first bidet. Kimchi cruds! All over the rim! Some floaties! Looks like gim. That one looks like gim-bop! That one there looks like me ex! Is that radish greens? Jesus, the hemorrhoids are bleeding again. Got to tuck the bastards in when I’m through. Look at that poor helpless bastard. Call yourself a penis? All hairy and ragged. Hey Herman! Got some high school lovelies tonight! Should be in any minute now. Better get the bung-hole spiffy before class too. Try this bidet. Here’s the button. Hey! Shit! All over the door! How do I turn this off! Open the door! Shit! Sorry. Didn’t mean to squirt you with toilet water student! Didn’t mean to show you my over-grown baboon butt! Pimples and poop! Oops! Tuck that in there. Shit the door! Help me turn this thing off.  Thank you little girl. Didn’t mean you should get your socks all wet. Shall I take them off? Take it all off if you please, you little rascal you. I’ll be out in a sec. Just let me wipe my ass in the old traditional American method. Wash the hands? Nah… I don’t think my hands touched turd, mostly. Back in class. Two out of five student and class is about halfway finished. Well, do I leave or extend class? How does this work out when there is no one to watch what your doing except the students, utterly exhausted and with the complexion of old beef. You kids look so fucked up. And you! You stink like the soju! Your eyes are redder than radish kimchi, I swear! You been drinking? Yes teacher. Don’t tell my parents. Kid, I’ve never met any of your parents. I mean, do you live here alone? No. I live at the hagwan. Yes. You do.  What’s say we get some beer and hit the norae-bang on the corner? Really teacher? Yes. I hear they have a few James Brown tracks, and some Prince too. Dang! Look at you kids! Wake up Joon-Ho for me Moon Hyun! He’s passed out huh? Tell him we go to sing and drink. He is up. Come. You two must pay. I’m a broke teacher. Okay teacher. But first Joon-Ho must get money from ATM. That’s a good boy Joon Ho. Make it about sixty smackers. Joon Ho! Joon Ho! Teacher! Teacher he is passed out against the door teacher! Kick the door Moon Hyun! Kick it harder! Forget it! He’s out for the night. We’ll get him on the way back from the norae-bang, okay? Okay. He looks very peaceful, no? Yes teacher. I envy him. I don’t envy either one of you. Where are the girls tonight? They also drunken. They fall down a ditch. So we go to class. You left them passed out in a ditch? Iss okay teacher! Well, this is Korea. Can they be seen from the sidewalk? No. Hidden. Maybe we should go check on then Moon Hyun. Teacher! Prince! James Brown! H.O.T.! S.E.S. DJ D.O.C.! Clone! Okay okay Moon Hyun. But after the norae-bang, we should see how class is coming along. Okay? Okay!


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